Surgery is a GO for May 1

I leaped the last hurdle this afternoon before surgery next Wednesday.  I'll be honest - I'm having very mixed feelings about it.

On the one hand, I have a limited amount of time left where I've got double medical insurance.  I'm healthier than I've been in many years.  My wonky half breast is an eyesore and a reminder of a very unpleasant time in my life when I look in the mirror, so it'll be nice to feel symmetric again.

But on the other hand, I could easily live with wonky boobs for the rest of my life and feel completely fulfilled.  Is it worth the risk?  

The surgery will significantly reduce my risk of recurrence.

But it's a HUGE surgery and it's going to be months and months before I feel normal again.

Honestly, I'm so incredibly conflicted about it that it's giving me an ulcer.

I wish I had prepared better - I wish I had cleaned the house before my Mom arrives to help out.  I wish I'd redone my will and updated the contents.  I wish I'd reached out to everyone that I wanted to say thank you to for the amazing support I've received since the cancer diagnosis.  I wish I'd cleaned out the junk in the basement.

Then again, I steadfastly refuse to die until I clean that crap up - so I guess it's a good motivating factor.

Nothing exciting to report - no major snippets of life knowledge to impart.  Just nervous, afraid, worried, excited...and exhausted.

ADHD - NOT just for hyperactive ten year-old boys

When I was in New Orleans last November (which was, I admit, the last time I was out of control drunk and acting like a complete idiot), one of my friends suggested that 1) I should try ketamine assisted therapy; and 2) I should be tested for ADHD.  I've already blogged about how ketamine, along with an amazing counselor who is an addiction specialist, finally helped me to quit drinking (and compulsively shopping online and binge eating) - so I wanted to address the second suggestion.

My knowledge of ADHD was that it pertained to hyperactive children, who you then gave drugs to in order to keep their parents from becoming overly frustrated.  I remember when my stepson Alex was taking medication, and the profound affect it had on his energy and personality - so the suggestion that I go through testing made NO sense to me at the time.

 

After going through three months of testing, I've learned alot about ADHD and myself - which has led to a new round of "life clean up."

There are two types of ADHD - one that focuses on inattentiveness, inability to focus, inability to finish a task, easily distracted, lacks attention to detail  (sound like anyone you know?)  The second area primarily presents as hyperactivity or IMPULSIVENESS, and often includes more accidents and injuries than others.

Turns out, I have both.  A combined presentation in a completely undeniable result.

The reason I'm posting isn't to say, "OH LOOK, I'VE GOT THIS" - but more because the reading I've done shows that ADHD is chronically UNDERdiagnosed in women and girls.  Here's what I learned about why women are frequently overlooked:

• Different Symptom Presentation: ADHD is often stereotyped as a condition that causes boys to be disruptive and hyperactive. However, women with ADHD tend to present more with inattentiveness, forgetfulness, and organization issues. These symptoms can be easily overlooked or mistaken for stress or anxiety.

• Focus on Research in Males: Historically, a lot of ADHD research has focused on boys, leading to diagnostic criteria that may not accurately reflect how ADHD presents in females. This can make it harder for healthcare professionals to recognize ADHD in women.

• Comorbid Conditions: Women with ADHD are more likely to experience other conditions like anxiety or depression. Doctors may focus on treating these conditions first, without considering the possibility of underlying ADHD.

I'm not going to lie - I'm both excited that medication might help me focus more clearly and complete the long list of unfinished projects laying about the house AND anxious about taking another medication and how it's going to affect the other areas of my life.  I'm worried that I'll discover the medication makes everything easier and I'll be kicking myself for not realizing my capabilities sooner and changing the world.  Mostly, I'm grateful for constantly evolving medical expertise that allows me to ensure the remainder of my life isn't hindered by the same plaguing issues I've had since childhood.  

Will post an update at a later time.