I leaped the last hurdle this afternoon before surgery next Wednesday. I'll be honest - I'm having very mixed feelings about it.
On the one hand, I have a limited amount of time left where I've got double medical insurance. I'm healthier than I've been in many years. My wonky half breast is an eyesore and a reminder of a very unpleasant time in my life when I look in the mirror, so it'll be nice to feel symmetric again.
But on the other hand, I could easily live with wonky boobs for the rest of my life and feel completely fulfilled. Is it worth the risk?
The surgery will significantly reduce my risk of recurrence.
But it's a HUGE surgery and it's going to be months and months before I feel normal again.
Honestly, I'm so incredibly conflicted about it that it's giving me an ulcer.
I wish I had prepared better - I wish I had cleaned the house before my Mom arrives to help out. I wish I'd redone my will and updated the contents. I wish I'd reached out to everyone that I wanted to say thank you to for the amazing support I've received since the cancer diagnosis. I wish I'd cleaned out the junk in the basement.
Then again, I steadfastly refuse to die until I clean that crap up - so I guess it's a good motivating factor.
Nothing exciting to report - no major snippets of life knowledge to impart. Just nervous, afraid, worried, excited...and exhausted.
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