Guess what came to visit us today? (Hint: It's not the fox)

 

Ugh.

I start with “ugh” intentionally, so you’ll understand straight away this isn’t one of those “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum” stories. 

Damian tested positive for COVID last night.  He’s been unwell for about a day and a half, but between the massive pollen we’ve had thus far this season (which makes my black Mercedes resemble the color of Donald Trump’s golden toilet) and the crazy weather patterns – it’s unsurprising one of us would end up with a cold/flu.  I just figured it would be me.

Let me just quickly clarify – when I say crazy weather patterns – this is what we’ve been experiencing:

                Winter temperatures (froze the pipes again)

                Mild Winter temps  (“more than a sweater” weather)

                SUMMER

                Winter Round 2

                One day of Spring

                THE BOWELS OF HELL heat

                Winter Round 3

                Thunderstorms

                More Thunderstorms

                THUNDERSTORMS SIGNIFYING  THE GODS ON MT OLYMPUS ARE AT WAR

                Back to Summer

                One day of beautiful spring weather

                TORNADOES BLOWING TREES AND HOUSES DOWN (not kidding – check the news)

Yeah, ridiculously CRAZY weather patterns.  

Damian doesn’t get sick often, so when he does it’s a pretty big deal.  It went from a bit of a scratchy throat to “please not a cold just before the weekend”  (at this point he’s still texting to tease Donna about rescuing her UPS box and giving the neighbors grief about their obsessive-compulsive gardening habits) to “Do you still have your father’s revolver so I can put myself out of my misery” fairly quickly.  Fever.  Coughing.  Congestion.  Body aches. Down for the count.  Done.  Sleeping all day.  Nothing but Vitamin C, electrolytes, hot tea with lemon and honey and some Advil Cold & Flu. 

He doesn’t let me pamper him nearly as much as he takes care of me when I’m out after surgery – it’s not a complaint (he just feels like garbage and wants to hide until he’s human again) - but it’s hard to watch wishing I could do more to take away his pain.

Wasn’t tired at bedtime so I played on my phone for a bit then started feeling gloriously sleepy.  Turned on the white noise (to deafen the dog’s snoring), turned on the fan (to blow the dog’s farts away from my bed), and settled in with my second favorite pillow (the dog pee’d on my favorite one during previously mentioned thunderstorms of doom) and tried to get comfy.

Nope.  Too much pain.  Lots of pain still going on from surgery, all over the place.  Crap.

Took a pain pill, waited 30 minutes for it to work its magic and “Hallelujah! I’m out of pain!” but now I’m also wide awake.  Completely awake.  “Let’s make coffee and mow the lawn!” awake. Tried soothing music, tried guided sleep meditation, tried the mental imagery  techniques my counselor taught me when we were studying sleep hygiene – no help.  It’s as if my brain doesn’t realize I haven’t slept so I’m sitting at my desk at 5:30 am wondering how I’m going to get through the day on zero rest and make sure Damian has everything he needs to get through the worst of this.  (Covid hit him hard last time.)

So far, I feel fine – exhausted, of course - but it’s one more reason I’m grateful that surgery for next week is canceled.  The sun is starting to come up – guess I’ll get started on some homework.

PEOPLE OF WAL-MART

 PEOPLE OF WAL-MART

Today, after yet another visit to the hospital for more post-op blood tests, urine tests, poking, prodding, etc. - I was feeling pretty cranky (hey, they were fasting labs after all) but made a quick dash to Wal-Mart to pick up some supplies for the birthday cake I promised my friend Donna.

Although I almost never use it, I have a temporary handicap placard and there were NO parking spots available anywhere close to the doors so I decided being in pain, I was going to take advantage of it.

I hang my placard and gently step out of the car and some redneck guy who had probably been circling the parking lot for an insane amount of time waiting for a good spot took one look at me and said, "You don't look disabled to me." and scowled.

Now, I'm not saying I DID - but I just MAY have turned to face him head on and lifted up my shirt to expose my VERY impressive full body stitches across my entire abdomen and chest as well as my remaining surgical drain and pus covered gauge where the skin isn't healing.

If I HAD actually done this, I could tell you honestly the look on his face was one of the most rewarding things I've ever experienced as I turned and walked towards the entrance.

Surgery is a GO for May 1

I leaped the last hurdle this afternoon before surgery next Wednesday.  I'll be honest - I'm having very mixed feelings about it.

On the one hand, I have a limited amount of time left where I've got double medical insurance.  I'm healthier than I've been in many years.  My wonky half breast is an eyesore and a reminder of a very unpleasant time in my life when I look in the mirror, so it'll be nice to feel symmetric again.

But on the other hand, I could easily live with wonky boobs for the rest of my life and feel completely fulfilled.  Is it worth the risk?  

The surgery will significantly reduce my risk of recurrence.

But it's a HUGE surgery and it's going to be months and months before I feel normal again.

Honestly, I'm so incredibly conflicted about it that it's giving me an ulcer.

I wish I had prepared better - I wish I had cleaned the house before my Mom arrives to help out.  I wish I'd redone my will and updated the contents.  I wish I'd reached out to everyone that I wanted to say thank you to for the amazing support I've received since the cancer diagnosis.  I wish I'd cleaned out the junk in the basement.

Then again, I steadfastly refuse to die until I clean that crap up - so I guess it's a good motivating factor.

Nothing exciting to report - no major snippets of life knowledge to impart.  Just nervous, afraid, worried, excited...and exhausted.

ADHD - NOT just for hyperactive ten year-old boys

When I was in New Orleans last November (which was, I admit, the last time I was out of control drunk and acting like a complete idiot), one of my friends suggested that 1) I should try ketamine assisted therapy; and 2) I should be tested for ADHD.  I've already blogged about how ketamine, along with an amazing counselor who is an addiction specialist, finally helped me to quit drinking (and compulsively shopping online and binge eating) - so I wanted to address the second suggestion.

My knowledge of ADHD was that it pertained to hyperactive children, who you then gave drugs to in order to keep their parents from becoming overly frustrated.  I remember when my stepson Alex was taking medication, and the profound affect it had on his energy and personality - so the suggestion that I go through testing made NO sense to me at the time.

 

After going through three months of testing, I've learned alot about ADHD and myself - which has led to a new round of "life clean up."

There are two types of ADHD - one that focuses on inattentiveness, inability to focus, inability to finish a task, easily distracted, lacks attention to detail  (sound like anyone you know?)  The second area primarily presents as hyperactivity or IMPULSIVENESS, and often includes more accidents and injuries than others.

Turns out, I have both.  A combined presentation in a completely undeniable result.

The reason I'm posting isn't to say, "OH LOOK, I'VE GOT THIS" - but more because the reading I've done shows that ADHD is chronically UNDERdiagnosed in women and girls.  Here's what I learned about why women are frequently overlooked:

• Different Symptom Presentation: ADHD is often stereotyped as a condition that causes boys to be disruptive and hyperactive. However, women with ADHD tend to present more with inattentiveness, forgetfulness, and organization issues. These symptoms can be easily overlooked or mistaken for stress or anxiety.

• Focus on Research in Males: Historically, a lot of ADHD research has focused on boys, leading to diagnostic criteria that may not accurately reflect how ADHD presents in females. This can make it harder for healthcare professionals to recognize ADHD in women.

• Comorbid Conditions: Women with ADHD are more likely to experience other conditions like anxiety or depression. Doctors may focus on treating these conditions first, without considering the possibility of underlying ADHD.

I'm not going to lie - I'm both excited that medication might help me focus more clearly and complete the long list of unfinished projects laying about the house AND anxious about taking another medication and how it's going to affect the other areas of my life.  I'm worried that I'll discover the medication makes everything easier and I'll be kicking myself for not realizing my capabilities sooner and changing the world.  Mostly, I'm grateful for constantly evolving medical expertise that allows me to ensure the remainder of my life isn't hindered by the same plaguing issues I've had since childhood.  

Will post an update at a later time.