So this week I got to do my best interpretation of Fantine in Les Misérables - it wasn't under the best of circumstances, but it was still a very powerful moment for me. I'd been planning it for about a week. My hair has already started falling out from the anesthesia (normal for me) and I knew cutting it off would make the prospect of taking a shower and finding gobs of hair much less traumatizing - so I thought, "I'll cut it off while I'm singing karaoke! It'll be epic! Like, the most epic video EVER!"
Hey, I knew I couldn't out-sing the people in the Quarantine Karaoke group (they are AH-mazing) - so at least I can be memorable, right?
Oh. My. Lord.
Once I started cutting, ALL the emotions started pouring out. It was ugly crying, I'm sure. I don't really remember singing - I just remember the handfuls of hair falling and how all of a sudden EVERYTHING became real.
So.....I posted it. OF COURSE I posted it! Is it embarrassing? YES! Is it raw, emotional and heartbreaking? YES! Is it EPIC? <shrug> I don't know. I can't actually bring myself to watch it.
https://www.facebook.com/knikkihess/videos/10158718597572923
I've adjusted to the short hair though - and though I still reach for the hairbrush every morning and am starkly reminded I don't have any hair to brush - I like the simplicity of it. It'll start falling out much more quickly as chemo starts this Friday - so I consider this my "transition" haircut.
Am I nervous? Of course. I have no idea how MY body is going to respond - but I've had some wonderful mentors - my friends Ben and Marie, my incredibly brave cousin Tammy and her husband, and tons of strangers that have given me encouragement and strength.
I'm ready. Let's get this chemo party started.
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