THE EMPOWERING ASPECT OF CANCER
Since being diagnosed in February, I can honestly say that my perspective on
MANY things have changed. A lot. I used to obsessively worry about money
and debts and how I was going to keep my house from falling into
foreclosure. I'd spend months trying to figure out the RIGHT new hairstyle
- changing my mind so many times that I never actually went to the stylist
at all. I managed to procrastinate the things that I enjoyed most in favor
of the things I felt I "should" be doing.
My attitude now: "Fu%! It. I have cancer."
That's not to say that I'm in any way defeatist - quite on the contrary. If
I want to take a nap, instead of hemming and hawing about the things I
really should get done I simply say, "Fu%! It. I have cancer. My body
needs some rest." And then I take a nap.
IT IS THE GREATEST THING EVER!
Want to stay up a little later reading a good book? Want to eat cereal for
dinner? Want to wear sequins to work today? "Fu%! It, I'm gonna do it."
And these little things have led me to be SO much happier and less stressed
- just by giving myself permission to do the things that my body, or my soul
need at that moment in time. While I can see that this level of indulgence
could easily go awry - I find myself eating salad for breakfast far more
often than I enjoy cereal for dinner - because in THAT moment, that's what
my body wants or needs. My blood pressure has gone down. My weight has
gone down. My enjoyment and appreciation of all the little blessing in life
has gone up a thousand fold.
I'm not going to say, "I hope you get cancer" because that would be a burden
I wouldn't place on anyone - but I can tell you that my cancer changed me
for the better in ways I never anticipated. I hope, when treatment is over
- that I manage to keep those little eccentricities. And more than that -
I hope during this unprecedented quarantine, you're looking for and finding
and INDULGING yourself in those little things that bring you joy.
I wasted so much time worrying about money, only to find that paying debts
off never brought me an ounce of the joy I found attempting (poorly) to
paint Harry Potter for my friend Margaret, or composing my own lyrics for
office karaoke, or eating ice cream for breakfast on the porch with my
neighbor, or keeping up ALL the holiday decorations for every holiday in my
office year round, or randomly sending toilet paper to unsuspecting friends
during the pandemic....... (I think you get the point)
No comments:
Post a Comment