33. Capturing Life Jun 8 2020

These are my paintings.  They're more than a hobby for me - they've kept me grounded and sane throughout the turmoil of being stuck in Eastern Europe, the quarantine cycle of the pandemic, my father's declining health - being
able to focus on something mindful and relaxing has been amazing.

The more I look at them, though, the more I find they're something of a parable for my life.  Step back and it's an absolutely beautiful painting -
but under close scrutiny, you'll see that I started with a paint by number kit.  A drawing on canvas with lines and colors to guide you through the
creative process.  Look even more deeply and you'll see all the places where my painting falls outside the lines - either because my hand was shaking, or the lines were so tiny I had a hard time focusing on them, but most commonly because I simply chose NOT to stay within the lines.  I blatantly used a different color (or, sometimes accidentally) than directed because I felt
that's what it needed.  Sometimes I painted over something after it dried. Sometimes I painted it back to the original.  But because of these many
individual imperfections, my painting is wholly unique - a one-of-a-kind masterpiece with far more purple than the pattern asked for.

I don't focus on those little mistakes (or happy accidents as Bob Ross called them) - I take a look back and see how each one of those decisions
plays into the overall look of the finished piece.  Just as each one of the decisions I've made in life has, through happiness and heartache, crafted me into the person I am today.  Someone I'm proud of, most of the time.  I'm a work in progress - and always will be - but I see a much more complete picture when I look in the mirror than I did when I was twenty.  The
wrinkles and the age spots and the scars and the bruises - they're all part of my character and my intrigue.  I LOVE that.  I honestly do. 

So feel free to inspect and judge all you like - in the end, beauty and art are in the eye of the beholder - and I respect your thoughts and ideas and suggestions immensely.  Just never expect me to EVER completely submit to coloring within the lines.  Give me a good guide / example and I'll
willingly follow it to an extent - but I'm always going to be uniquely me. Slightly different, a little off, but loving the adventure each and every
day.