44. Chemo #9 - Confessions

Okay, I admit it - I'm terrified.  We were all tested for COVID this week, but the results have to be flown to Germany and then tested with the rest of Army Europe - so I don't know how long that will take, and when we can consider ourselves NOT infected (because we're only notified if we test positive.)

We had another death on base - nobody is talking about it, but I know because I've befriended most of the local nationals that work on base.  I know the laundry folks, and the housekeepers, and the shop workers by name - and almost all of them know my story and frequently ask about me when I'm walking to/from work.   Our latest casualty was one of the food service workers in the cafeteria.  I haven't eaten at the DFAC in over five weeks because I just felt like it was too dangerous with that may people and the open salad bar and all that.  (Yeah, I'm paranoid - and I'm okay with that)  So even though I wasn't exposed to him, I'm still devastated and frightened.  Anyone could be a carrier and not know it.

Before, I could tell myself I was just being CAUTIOUS - but now, with another death of someone not riddled with pre-existing conditions, it reminds me that we are so very vulnerable to this virus.  And my life is truly at risk - something I haven't really accepted on this journey so far because the numbers here on base weren't bad.

Now I'm isolated until the results for the rest of the team are back.  MORE isolated.  And afraid.  And in pain - oh my gosh, the cumulative chemo makes everything hurt.  (Three more weeks!  We got this!)

So I started to think of things that might be more exciting to share than the fear (but recognize that we all live in the Groundhog Day movie so there's not much to report) - and here's what I came up with.

Confessions from Chemo #9 - Things you Probably Don't Know About My Life in Kosovo

1)  There is an unofficial Taco Bell menu item named after me on base.  Why?  Because apparently I order the same strange thing every time and now they call them "Nikki Tacos" - can you guess what makes them unique?

2)  I love how my next door neighbor says "warsh" - as in, she's going to "warsh" the dishes.  And I incessantly mock her about it from an appropriate six feet away.

3)  I decorate for holidays - but since I arrived, I haven't taken any of the decorations down - so my office has Christmas, Easter, Valentines and Fourth of July decorations up all at the same time.  Plus a disco ball.  It's very festive.

4)  We have been living on MREs for over a week since the Cafeteria closed - fortunately, I anticipated this possibility and have a fully stocked fridge/freezer in my room as well as a microwave, toaster oven, coffee pot, egg boiler, and blender.  Needless to say - this is one area in which I am not currently suffering (as long as you like frozen Chicken Parmesan and Hot Pockets).

5)  No matter how hydrated I am, there seems to be only one nurse at the hospital capable of finding a vein in me without five or six tries - they've adapted her schedule to make sure she's there on Tuesdays for the next three weeks.  I totally feel like a VIP  (as opposed to the problem patient that they probably view me as).

6)  My hair is falling out again - or rather the short fuzz that I have left on my head.  I find something weirdly satisfying about running the lint roller over my pillow every morning - as if each one of those hairs is a personal triumph in my journey.  I have no idea why, but hey - if it makes you happy, just go with it.