7. 12 Random Thoughts After Surgery

Sitting in my hospital room - alone with my thoughts, which are all over the place.

1)  That surgery hurts worse than any surgery I've ever had - either that or the drugs here aren't nearly as good.

2)  My surgeon looks, acts, and sounds like Jerry Garcia's Macedonian twin brother.  I'm not making this up.  I'd like to say this was a reassuring fact, but it really wasn't.  He kept saying, "Just relax, man!"  Actually, now that I think about it - I've heard that about 40 times already.  "Why are you worried?  Just relax!"

3)  I was so excited to eat after two days - they don't ask you what you want, and at the time I thought I didn't care what it was.  Then breakfast arrived and I decided to fast until lunch.  (Olives and buttermilk, in case you were wondering....)

4) There's only one nurse on the ward that speaks English - his name is Martin - he's adorable, probably about 19.  I want to adopt him.  I have a feeling I'm going to be able to bribe Martin into bringing me some foofy coffee from the coffee shop downstairs.  And maybe something chocolate. We shall see.  (Those social engineering classes are paying off, Chris Hadnagy!)

5)  I'm pretty sure this is a teaching hospital, because official looking people keep coming in to look at my breasts.  In groups.  Taking notes.  So either they are medical students or I have really, really interesting boobs.

6)  Maybe I should check the status of my 401(k) now, since they have a heart attack unit......

7)  Martin just stopped in - they have CLOSED THE COFFEE SHOP.  Geez, Corona Virus - is there anything you haven't ruined yet?  No coffee.  No chocolate.  No pastries.  Oh but wait - here comes lunch.  Shredded beets, mystery meat and unidentifiable soup.  Lordy, Lordy - this place is turning into the best diet ever.

8)  Surgeon just stopped in to see how I was doing.  He's seriously SO cool.  Rock star cool.  And he had a whole group of minions (students) following him around.  He said he'll take the drain hanging out of my armpit out before I leave on Monday morning - except I might not be able to leave on Monday morning because they have closed the border between Macedonia and Kosovo.  OMG.  Seriously?  We knew they were putting new restrictions in place, but it was decided that to put the surgery off was a greater risk than getting stuck in Macedonia.    Still.....that would seriously seriously suck.  <shrug>

9)  The mystery meat was chicken.  He thinks.  Probably.  Not sure.

10)  The wifi here is better than at my apartment on base.  So I'm sitting here watching last night's RuPaul's Drag Race.  One of the non-English speaking nurses came in and was trying to figure out what I was watching - trying to explain it only confused her more, so now I have three nurses in my room watching over my shoulder trying to figure out the gist of this competition.

11)  Everyone is obsessed with my slipper socks.  Evelyn and Rowan gave them to me for Christmas, but unfortunately, I don't have a clue what kind of animal they are supposed to be.  Between my socks, the constant monitoring of my wounds (boobs)  and Drag Race, my room has become a hot spot for conversation.  All of it in Albanian/Macedonian - but both are absolutely beautiful languages.

12)   I won't know for another week what the results of the Sentinel Node Biopsy are - the one that tells me if the cancer has spread, and which helps determine follow on treatment.  I did learn that my initial biopsy tested HER2 negative, Estrogen/Progesterin positive, and that that they'll be testing the actual tumor for the BRCA (hereditary) gene so my sisters will know whether or not to be tested for it.   So I'll worry about the chemo or radiation and what stage the cancer is rated at next week.  For now, I'm just going to enjoy my quiet time and see if I can get any of the nurses to smuggle me chocoate and diet coke when they come in tomorrow......