Today begins my fourteen days of quarantine - not that I've been exposed to anyone that's sick or that I'm feeling in ANY way ill, but because my surgery is in Macedonia, Kosovo legally requires a period of isolation. Originally it was sixty days, but talking with the American Embassy (who engaged my on base resources and the Ambassador to Kosovo) they came to a compromise of fourteen.
SUPER grateful, but right now I'm finding it hard to keep the positive vibes going - I split my stitches open and bled all over the mattress trying to sleep. The heparin they gave me means every bump turned into a nasty bruise - so I look very much like someone who's gone nine rounds with Mike Tyson on cocaine.
And I'm just....tired. Tired of being in constant pain. Tired of being unable to sleep because every move causes sharp lightening bolts through my armpit. Tired of the roller coaster of emotions that seem to cycle every ten minutes. Tired of working hard to stay upbeat when some days I really just want to wallow in that self-pity like a pig in shit. (Sorry, I cuss a lot when I'm in pain) Yesterday I did - I had a MASSIVE pity party about how crappy everything was right now - determined to be cranky and uppity and angry.
It lasted about 3 minutes before a mysterious video appeared on my Facebook page from my friend Steven. If you haven't seen it, you need to - it's from my favorite drag race queen from this season, Jan - she is positivity on steroids swimming in a pool of RedBull and watching her JUST MAKES ME HAPPY. And there she is - filming a personal video to me. (Let's be honest, she knows WAY more about my boob drama than she probably wanted to.....but that's the price you pay for your celebrity, I suppose.) It made my day and ruined any possibility of wasting the whole day grumbling.
There won't be any more earth shattering news until late this week when I hopefully find out the details from the tumor biopsy - but doc wants to do it in person, and that would reset my quarantine date to zero. So.....we're going to have to get creative with our follow on treatments moving forward. And no, I don't have a clue what that means - YET.
But for these next fourteen days - I'm going to do some creative writing. Tell some stories - indulge myself in some fantasy role play on the page. Do some painting and some coloring. Play piano and sing along to bad karaoke tracks I downloaded on YouTube.
And to pray FAR more thoughtfully and deliberately. (When I said how wonderful it would be to have JUST ONE DAY without every news outlet reporting about each fart Trump makes - I failed to comprehend that it could actually be worse....)
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SUPER grateful, but right now I'm finding it hard to keep the positive vibes going - I split my stitches open and bled all over the mattress trying to sleep. The heparin they gave me means every bump turned into a nasty bruise - so I look very much like someone who's gone nine rounds with Mike Tyson on cocaine.
And I'm just....tired. Tired of being in constant pain. Tired of being unable to sleep because every move causes sharp lightening bolts through my armpit. Tired of the roller coaster of emotions that seem to cycle every ten minutes. Tired of working hard to stay upbeat when some days I really just want to wallow in that self-pity like a pig in shit. (Sorry, I cuss a lot when I'm in pain) Yesterday I did - I had a MASSIVE pity party about how crappy everything was right now - determined to be cranky and uppity and angry.
It lasted about 3 minutes before a mysterious video appeared on my Facebook page from my friend Steven. If you haven't seen it, you need to - it's from my favorite drag race queen from this season, Jan - she is positivity on steroids swimming in a pool of RedBull and watching her JUST MAKES ME HAPPY. And there she is - filming a personal video to me. (Let's be honest, she knows WAY more about my boob drama than she probably wanted to.....but that's the price you pay for your celebrity, I suppose.) It made my day and ruined any possibility of wasting the whole day grumbling.
There won't be any more earth shattering news until late this week when I hopefully find out the details from the tumor biopsy - but doc wants to do it in person, and that would reset my quarantine date to zero. So.....we're going to have to get creative with our follow on treatments moving forward. And no, I don't have a clue what that means - YET.
But for these next fourteen days - I'm going to do some creative writing. Tell some stories - indulge myself in some fantasy role play on the page. Do some painting and some coloring. Play piano and sing along to bad karaoke tracks I downloaded on YouTube.
And to pray FAR more thoughtfully and deliberately. (When I said how wonderful it would be to have JUST ONE DAY without every news outlet reporting about each fart Trump makes - I failed to comprehend that it could actually be worse....)
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I would charter a plane to get me there if you thought it would help. But being as quiet as I am, and rather boring, I doubt that I would be very helpful. The video was great! Steven is a wonderful friend to do something that special for you. I'm a very anxious mother who really wishes you were here in the states, or even Germany. All I can do is to keep you in my prayers and send you my love. I keep trying to get a video of Peanutty during one of her frolicking moments. But every time I point my phone at her, she looks at me like I'm the nutty one. Love you!
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