4. I am not Special

This isn't a bout of self-pity.  This is the truth - I feel very much like the main character at the end of "Pippin" - I've spent my whole life trying to believe that I'm extraordinary, and I'm meant to do earth-shattering things.

And I have.  They just didn't take the FORM that I thought they would.

I was expecting to cure cancer - but I didn't.   I did talk someone down off the ledge and convinced them not to end their life in that moment.  THAT was extraordinary.

I haven't written the Great American Novel - but I have shared "Life Lessons from Aunt Nikki" with my nieces, who believe I'm wise and who know without doubt that they are loved beyond measure.  THAT is extraordinary.

I'm not the movie star I expected to become - but my elbow was on an episode of "Touched by an Angel" so I think that counts as being forever immortalized in film, right?

In the context of what I've been dealing with this week - I'm not special, at all.  One out of EIGHT women will be diagnosed with breast cancer - that's 12% of the female population.

That means I'm not special - I'm one of a TRIBE of warriors.  My new "breast friends" that fight alongside me against what doesn't have to be a fatal disease.  I'm among friends that I haven't met yet - and I'm OVERWHELMED by the stories that have poured in about the struggles that my friends have been through, or their spouses, or their mom.....instead of feeling alone, I feel very CONNECTED to those women.

They understand my fear, my irrational emotions, that there are ups as well as downs - moments of great strength and bravery, followed by despair and tears - and this is all OKAY.  The tribe lets you deal with it however you need, as long as you don't give up.

I am dually blessed - not just with my new congregation of cancer fighters/survivors - but with the friends that have had my back for decades.  I love you guys.  And my family - I love you guys, too.

I'm not special - I'm just me.  I'm unique, I'm a bit wacky, I'm enigmatic - and despite the roller coaster that I'm on at the moment, I've really learned to love me.  I'm proud of who I am - and yes, I still do stupid shit  (see previous post) - but that makes me HUMAN, not unlovable or unworthy.

So.  TRIBE.  Let's do this.