The embassy was able to get me out of Macedonia on Monday night, but I'm now confined to base for the foreseeable future. This is good because I have my clothes, my vitamins, food, shelter and support. But it makes follow up treatment difficult. There's a hospital on base, but only for emergencies - they can't administer chemo or hormone treatments or anything like that. They're a field unit only. This was a tough decision to make, but I didn't know how I'd ever be able to afford being stuck in Macedonia for 8 weeks - no income, paying for a hotel, every shop closed due to the virus. (And no art supplies!)
I've been waiting to hear from my doctor about what my next steps will be - and then.....
Today the doctor sent me an email and thanks to Google Translate, I was able to figure out that the hospital lost all of my lab/tumor samples for testing. So right now there's no way to know if the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes or elsewhere (the whole point of the painful part of the surgery). There's no way to determine whether or not chemo is required, or hormone therapy, or what.
So I'm start feeling a bit of a panic.
And then an earthquake hits Utah. Where my friends and family live.
And another friend is laid off without a way to pay his rent / bills / needs.
And my Mom hasn't been able to stock up on toilet paper and is running around town desperately trying to find some.
And the news is trying to convince me that the ten plagues of Egypt have begun.
And in the midst of all this chaos, a strange calm passes over me.
Because the truth of the matter is, I'm not afraid any more. The fear of losing my house, or losing my life, or how to survive in an age of madness and chaos - it's gone. I feel a tremendous amount of peace in my heart for myself.
I still worry about my friends and my family and my inability to be there and help right now when I'm needed - that hurts my soul a little bit - but this is where I needed to be right now at this point in my life. And I KNOW this, and there's a peace to that.
So pray they'll find the samples so I can get on with getting rid of this cancer. And pray for the people worldwide suffering the effects (either directly or becaues of the social isolation) of this virus. And then step aside and do something amazing. Sing with your neighbors like the Italians are doing. Bring that elderly couple from church a few roles of toilet paper. Write silly poems. Be kind. Do WHAT YOU CAN. And know I'm here to listen and do what I can.
I've been waiting to hear from my doctor about what my next steps will be - and then.....
Today the doctor sent me an email and thanks to Google Translate, I was able to figure out that the hospital lost all of my lab/tumor samples for testing. So right now there's no way to know if the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes or elsewhere (the whole point of the painful part of the surgery). There's no way to determine whether or not chemo is required, or hormone therapy, or what.
So I'm start feeling a bit of a panic.
And then an earthquake hits Utah. Where my friends and family live.
And another friend is laid off without a way to pay his rent / bills / needs.
And my Mom hasn't been able to stock up on toilet paper and is running around town desperately trying to find some.
And the news is trying to convince me that the ten plagues of Egypt have begun.
And in the midst of all this chaos, a strange calm passes over me.
Because the truth of the matter is, I'm not afraid any more. The fear of losing my house, or losing my life, or how to survive in an age of madness and chaos - it's gone. I feel a tremendous amount of peace in my heart for myself.
I still worry about my friends and my family and my inability to be there and help right now when I'm needed - that hurts my soul a little bit - but this is where I needed to be right now at this point in my life. And I KNOW this, and there's a peace to that.
So pray they'll find the samples so I can get on with getting rid of this cancer. And pray for the people worldwide suffering the effects (either directly or becaues of the social isolation) of this virus. And then step aside and do something amazing. Sing with your neighbors like the Italians are doing. Bring that elderly couple from church a few roles of toilet paper. Write silly poems. Be kind. Do WHAT YOU CAN. And know I'm here to listen and do what I can.
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