Okay, that's a little misleading - not EVERYTHING has fallen apart. But I did find out this morning that the hospital here in Kosovo CAN do Chemo, but they can't do radiation or hormone therapy. Which means I could do one part of my treatment there and then MAYBE the border to Macedonia will open, where my trusted Doctor is - or I might be evacuated to the medical facilities in Germany (at my own expense, of course) for treatment there.
My doctor, ever the optimist, thinks she'll be able to get me some kind of waiver to get back/forth to Macedonia on medical grounds. One more option we'll have to add to the chart.
To be honest - there were MANY times this week when I've just wanted to say, "Forget the whole thing." and just wait until this whole Covid-19 business is over to seek out treatment. I'm STILL tempted to do that. The risk of catching anything when all your immune systems are destroyed - the fact that you're around sick people all day - the thought that I could lose my house - all of this adds up and puts me into near panic attacks.
But then, amidst the stress there's also calm. I know I have ZERO control over the situation - and for me that's the hardest thing about this whole process. I can't change the facts. I can't change the situation. All I can do is call the embassy and call the field hospital and work with the insurance company and PUSH PUSH PUSH PUSH PUSH like the most annoying squeaky wheel on the planet. And even then.....it's a crapshoot as to whether or not things will work out.
So let's talk about something OTHER than cancer, shall we?
No, other than COVID-19 also.....
And DEFINITELY no politics!
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Hey, we got mail today for the first time in weeks! Hooray!
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Oh dear, this is a pretty dull cancer blog if we're not talking about cancer.
All right, fine. We'll talk about cancer tomorrow. For tonight, I'm going to read my book (Monster Hunter International) and work on my painting and maybe annoy my neighbor by singing something for Quarantine Karaoke. For tonight, we're going to pretend like there's no cancer cells and all the pain I'm feeling is from a very rigorous walk or something. Tonight I'm going to eat cookies as if I don't care one way or the other about quarantine waistline expansion. Tonight, I'm going to pretend that when I wake up the world will be normal - and then I'll sleep and dream about going out to dinner and a movie when all has calmed down.
Tomorrow we can sort the rest out. Tonight, I'm taking a break from cancer.
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