The thing about cancer is that it's a great equalizer - EVERYONE is afraid of it. Nearly EVERYONE has some sort of experience with it in their close knit circle or family. Even the people that have watched someone go through it still don't know what to do or say.
"I'm here for you. Anything you need. Let me know."
I get this a lot. I'm more grateful than you could ever know.
But.....
I need to know the world isn't going to end.
I need to know that I'm not going to lose my house because I can't work during chemo. (I might.)
I need to know that life will go on if I lose my house. (It's just a house, let's put things in perspective. There are more houses.)
I need to make smart decisions at a time when I'm not thinking clearly or acting rationally (This is a big one. See previous post.)
I need to know how much work I'm going to miss. I need to know what type of treatment I'm going to need after surgery. I need to know things that can't yet be known - not that we ever get the opportunity to see into the future, but right now I just NEED TO KNOW, damnit!
My PERSONAL kryptonite is that I've never been able to ask for help when I need it.
I CAN DO ANYTHING on my own (spoiler alert - I can't. Reference: ski jumping). I DON'T NEED ANYONE'S HELP (I do.) I've GOT THIS. (I don't.)
So my pledge during this process is to do my best to be honest and forthcoming about what I need - knowing full well that there's always a chance everyone will say no. BELIEVING in the demonic core of my soul that
everyone will say no. But I will throw myself onto the altar of faith and say, "This is what I need." as terrifying and unnatural as it feels to do so. And if you can't help - I won't judge. I'll wrap you in a big hug and tell you how much I love you for being my friend, and for making my life richer and more bearable at times like this.
Recognize that this will not be easy - and if you don't hear from me, there's a good chance I'm hiding in my room wallowing in stage 5 and listening to sad sappy 80's songs and binging on Pirate Booty. But reach out - it means everything. YOU mean everything. <3
"I'm here for you. Anything you need. Let me know."
I get this a lot. I'm more grateful than you could ever know.
But.....
I need to know the world isn't going to end.
I need to know that I'm not going to lose my house because I can't work during chemo. (I might.)
I need to know that life will go on if I lose my house. (It's just a house, let's put things in perspective. There are more houses.)
I need to make smart decisions at a time when I'm not thinking clearly or acting rationally (This is a big one. See previous post.)
I need to know how much work I'm going to miss. I need to know what type of treatment I'm going to need after surgery. I need to know things that can't yet be known - not that we ever get the opportunity to see into the future, but right now I just NEED TO KNOW, damnit!
My PERSONAL kryptonite is that I've never been able to ask for help when I need it.
I CAN DO ANYTHING on my own (spoiler alert - I can't. Reference: ski jumping). I DON'T NEED ANYONE'S HELP (I do.) I've GOT THIS. (I don't.)
So my pledge during this process is to do my best to be honest and forthcoming about what I need - knowing full well that there's always a chance everyone will say no. BELIEVING in the demonic core of my soul that
everyone will say no. But I will throw myself onto the altar of faith and say, "This is what I need." as terrifying and unnatural as it feels to do so. And if you can't help - I won't judge. I'll wrap you in a big hug and tell you how much I love you for being my friend, and for making my life richer and more bearable at times like this.
Recognize that this will not be easy - and if you don't hear from me, there's a good chance I'm hiding in my room wallowing in stage 5 and listening to sad sappy 80's songs and binging on Pirate Booty. But reach out - it means everything. YOU mean everything. <3
-get as much info as possible, including using the web ( but NOT Webmd...) check out reliable sources such es cancer.org where you will find questions you should ask your doctor
ReplyDelete- try to find out if your insurance covers treatment in another country ( you don’t want to be treated where you are now...) and see if Germany or the US are options
-ask about side effects from treatment ... you will need help during that time so don’t be shy to ask. Check where treatment would be best to ensure you have people around you to help !
-go eat a good lasagna
- put the worry for the house last as it is just a building that can be replaced easier than your health can! You have lived at do many different places, heck you‘ ll always manage! ( I remember that creepy house in Pennsylvania? Where I slept in a room that had a burned ceiling :)
- check out support groups online ... Facebook has breast cancer groups... go exchange lasagna experiences and oh, don’t forget to bitch about that thing that you’re about to kick ass ...
- sing your heart out ( cause I know you can !)
- eat more lasagna
- never ever doubt you can do this!
- you’re not alone!
-I love you sis!
I want to relief society the crap out of you!!!! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. And so sorry we aren't closer.
ReplyDeleteI can’t promise you outcomes or what the future holds for you... but I can promise you this... that I will stay by your side as WE figure out how to tackle each step and figure out what that looks like for you... I’ll be there to push you when you can’t remember your strength, to cry with you and hold your hand as we try and make inappropriate jokes through the shitty moments of it all... and even be there on those days when, yes, you get to scream at the universe, “this isn’t fair!!!!”, because it’s not fair... and you get to make space for those moments... I promise you to be there every step of this fight... as a friend, a confidant, a fellow warrior, and someone who just loves the crap out of you and knows that no matter what is to come... Girl... you (we) got this. (((((((((Hugs))))))))
ReplyDelete