11. Logic eludes me (Roller coaster emotions)

I am sitting at my desk, crying.  More like sobbing, really.  They found my samples and the results are in.

And I can't bring myself to call the doctor.

Right now, when the world is falling apart and chaos & misinformation reign, I could be fine.  There could be no more cancer.  It could be good news.

Then again, it might not be.  And I am ashamed at the inner turmoil I am feeling about making a simple phone call.

Knowing is always better.

Pick up the phone.

You can do this.

But I don't.  I sit here like Rob Hall at the top of Mount Everest.  Give me a minute.....  

An hour later  i am still staring at the phone.  I can't handle more bad news.  That's absurd, of course I can.  I am a strong, resilient, independent woman.

Who is afraid of an itty bitty phone.